Lost it
by AliceCaldwell
Summary: she had lost the one thing that would have made her and her husband, Edward, whole. can she take it? can Edward help her heal? need reviews to continue... what do YOU want to happen?
1. Bella's POV

I was sitting in our bathroom, blood in a pool around me, my clothes probably covered in it.

Sobbing and screaming hysterically, I grabbed his face razor.

I turned on the shower/tub, and plugged the hole with its stopper. I climbed in fully dressed and sat in the water.

_I lost it._

Carlisle said it would be iffy.

I dragged the four closely spaced blades across my arms. I moved to my legs. Then my belly, my back, butt, chest, anything I could reach, and dragged those sharp pieces of metal across my skin.

The tub was almost full now, and the water red with my blood.

_I lost it._

I dropped my cutting utensil into the water, my fingers unable to grasp it anymore. My head felt light, but heavy at the same time and I let it fall back and SMACK against the tiles of the shower wall.

_I lost it._

The door had been locked, I remembered slowly, so it would take them a few extra seconds to get to me, finally. I knew Alice would freak, not seeing my future and all, and let everyone know. She is a loud one.

_I lost it._

My thoughts began to blur. I could barely see Edward in my minds eye anymore. He was slightly fuzzy, and a little blurred, and pretty soon I couldn't see colors anymore.

I was losing feeling, and couldn't hear my screams anymore. Was I screaming?

_I lost it._

I saw what I knew was the water come closer to me before I fell into unconsciousness.


	2. Edwards POV

"wait a second…" Alice said to everyone.

We were walking to the movie theater, all five of us vampires, and Bella was home alone due to a stomach ache complaint.

"Edward, run home, NOW!" she said with a look of despair upon her face, and I didn't even ask why before I took off running.

_Have I lost her?_

I broke the front door open in my haste to see why my Bella was in danger, raced up two sets of stairs and into our bedroom. I didn't see her, so I looked into the bathroom.

What I saw would have given me a heart attack, had I been human.

_Have I lost her?_

There was a pool of blood next to the toilet, and bloody tracks to an overflowing bathtub with Isabella in it, the red water up to her hairline.

The rest of the member of the family showed up as I was carrying Bella to our bed, sopping wet in a mixture of water and blood.

I faintly heard Alice shriek when she entered the room, and I looked back to see Esme had turned off the water faucet and had pulled the stopper out of the tub.

_Have I lost her?_

"Emmett has Jasper downstairs." Carlisle told me as he arrived at my side, surveying the mess that was my beautiful Bella.

He checked her pulse and her breathing.

_Have I lost her?_

"she had a miscarriage." Esme told me, looking at Bella with such passion and sorrow that I nearly cried.

"she's lost a lot of blood, but I think we could save her. we need to get her to the ER." Carlisle told me, and Rose was by my side with a blanket to cover her up with.

I covered her and ran down the stairs with her cradled in my arms. I thank Emmett for making me take ride in his big ass jeep today, because my Volvo was still here and able to deliver Bella to the emergency room.

I was at the hospital before any of my family, who were probably at home cleaning up her blood.

I held her tight to my chest until a few EMT's came up with a gurney and strapped Bella to it and wheeled her off. I followed closely behind, listening intently to every decision they were making.

In the end she had to have two blood transfusions, which made the faint smell of her blood stronger and totally wrong. The only part of her not covered in bandages was a small patch on her back, which I guess she couldn't reach with my face razor.

After being treated she was moved to the intensive care unit, and when she woke up and talked to a doctor, would be moved to the crisis unit in Seattle general hospital.

It was when I heard crying that I looked up to see her awake, after four heart breaking days of wonder and silence.

I rushed to her side, cradling her head in my arms while she sobbed.

All of a sudden she yelled at me.

"get away from me! Get the fuck away, you fucking jerk, you bastard, you MONSTER!" she screamed.

"Bella, please…" I whispered.

"no fucking way, don't touch me, don't look at me! Better yet, leave, okay?! Like you did before!! Go back and hide, you son of a bitch! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN!!"

my family rushed in and looked at us, Bella red faced and livid, me face shocked and stung. I walked out of the room without another word.


	3. Chapter 3

The girl ruffled her hair, and did not bother to put it back to rights.

I could instantly see that this was definitely his daughter.

Her hair was a dark, luscious brown barely grown past a pixie cut length, and here eyes a very luminous green color.

She was listening to her ipod, completely wrapped up in whatever she was writing to notice me staring.

She was gorgeous. His lips, a perfect, cute little button nose, wide brows, pearly white, straight as hell teeth.

She wrote in her notebook quickly, sounding out her lines sometimes, a familiar frown on her lips other times, and at rare moments would she flash a crooked grin- his grin.

Being in the corner of a public park obviously did not bother her one bit.

She looked at me, straightened her spine, and walked over.

I tried to look like I wasn't looking, or staring, really, just now at her.

She came over anyways, plopped down next to me and asked me loudly "why were you staring just now?"

I tried to look appalled at her accusation but she stopped me by saying "no, don't act, I can already see you forming the lie in your mind."

I quickly wondered if she could read minds, but if she could she did not let me know.

"so, you know who I am." She said with that perplexed look I had seen on his beautiful face only a few short times.

"I know your… father." I said.

If I could call him that.

Lying, cheating, insensitive…. Biological… sperm? Venom?

She darkened. "the one who killed my mother?"

I was shocked.

"oh, yes, he did, and I know how, too. By making me, and usually vampires' children don't live for more than a few weeks in the womb, I did, and I killed her, RIPPED OUT OF HER! With my teeth!" she said venomously.

"what does he look like?" she asked, softer now.

"just like you." I barely whispered.

"so, what do you want to know? Or want me to know?" she asked bluntly.

"What is your name?" I asked her.

"Jada. Jada Simon-Cullen. And his?" she demanded.

"Edward Cullen." I choked out.

She nodded.

She reminded me of a cat. Suddenly, I wondered why the Cullens, minus Edward, told me about Jada.

"I live off of house cats. And some human food. I love fast food and iced tea." She told me.

"so, when am I gonna meet this man? Im kind of over being in the dark about this whole thing. I mean, its been fifty years." She sighed, and I thought about what her power might be.

"what is your… specialty?" I asked her, and she smiled.

"I can usually tell what people are on about, like, what the gist of what they're thinking is, but I cant hear the actual thoughts. And im a singer. Well, technically, a siren."

I asked her not to sing to me ever, please.

"of course not. You're helping me. I need to meet him."

So we gathered our things and I led her to her unknowing father.


	4. Chapter 4

I guessed that Jada was fond of me by the way she immediately opened up.

"I stopped aging when humans would be about five or six, and looked like I was somewhere between age seventeen and nineteen." She told me on the plane ride from Oakland, California to Seattle, Washington.

We talked about everything. About religion, schooling, which fast food restaurants she loved and which ones made her sick, and, finally, what she really was.

"I don't usually think myself a monster, but a hybrid of sorts. Even though im mostly human, I could take him down pronto."

She was talking about Edward.

"not like im going to." She said quickly after, knowing my tender relationship with him, at the moment or not.

"im just mad that he ditched my mom. I mean, you're cool as all hell, but she's my _mom_." She said.

She took her cup and spit into it with ease.

"so, I am a vamp human, right? Basically, my venom can turn people, but not kill them. And my fangs, are slightly pronounced, but not enough to freak out other humans. Being a siren is hard; its like being a newborn but not being able to hunt, humans or not. And I hate the fact that I feel like a human, but have the physical and mental strengths of a vampire, my skin and flesh is soft to the touch, but impenetrable. But I love it because my eyes turn the color of my last prey and that f I try hard enough, I can sing so softly no one will consciously hear it and be drawn to me indefinitely, but it only affects humans, not vamps." She told me all in one breath.

She spit again.

"excess venom?" I asked her, and needn't worry about eavesdroppers; Alice had bought me the whole first class section just in case Jada was going to accompany me on the return flight.

She nodded and asked me what my relationship with her father was all about.

"at first, bloodlust, on his side, and plain old hot and bothered curiosity on mine. Then, we progressed, very much like him and your mother, but I l-_lost­ _the baby after seven weeks, and blamed him. If I had known it was bad for my life, basically, I would have gone about it… differently." I said. It was hard to talk about him now.

"you would have adopted, or en vitroed or plain old come and gotten me. Well, congrats but I aint your brat."

"no, I know, but I just… ugh." I really did not know what to say.

"so who told you about me? Alice? Esme? Emmett?" she asked me.

"Carlisle." I said simply, and she nodded.

I think its just an automatic to respect Carlisle. He had never tasted human blood, except when giving life to Edward, Esme, and Rosalie. Why didn't he give life to me?

Well, I suppose I am living, but that doesn't erase the fact that im still _human._ Maybe if i…

But then I thought that he would have done so, had Alice seen another outcome.

We touched down and we got loaded into my truck, and slowly made our way to the Cullen's home. I had lied to Charlie ag and told him I was staying at Lauren's tonight. He accepted it without a pause.

I pulled into the driveway, we took deep breaths.

"lets go, I guess." I said, and she nodded determinedly.

We headed to the house.


End file.
